Four (or more) freaks and a funeral

So, we got everything done and our chef is ready to head off to the New York Chocolate Show.  Finally. 

My grandmother died and now the craziness begins.  I know everyone has weird relatives but mine are pretty stellar.  Grandma's funeral 2006 will feature:

• My sister who MUST do three hours of cardio a day and will not tolerate the sight of bread.  She has a hair-trigger temper due to the steroids she takes from time to time.  Guess what?  She's going to be staying in my hotel room!  In addition my mother is distraught about her and called me recently to say "My baby is a whore" because Laura has some other issues.  It is seeming she is not really a whore, but a kept woman.  Who's keeping her?  It seems to be her boss.  He's given her apartment and is paying her way for the funeral.   But that's a whole 'nother post.
  
• Cousin #1 -He's flying despite recently being diagnosed with Hep C from drug use.  His mother is very, very wealthy and very religious and when he tried to steal her husband's Ferrari for the weekend he just repented to Jesus and said he prays to be over his addiction.  Yeah.
• Cousin #2 - He's the sane child of insanely rich aunt (her daughter has been in federal prison since the early 90s for a serious drug crime).  He doesn't speak to cousin #1 as he is still speaking with their father.  Their father stole cousin #2's wife away from him and married her.
• Uncle #1 - He's been a drug addict, sex addict and is now a gambling addict.  He's the one who told me that many people at the slots wear Depends so they don't have to leave their machine.  Ewwww.

I almost booked a room at the Stoney Creek Inn as they have theme rooms and nothing says funeral like staying in Hog Heaven but the cardio facilities are lacking and I don't want my sister to freak out on me. 

And on it goes.  I should bring my Home from the Holidays DVD with and commune with Holly Hunter's character. 

So I'm leaving Thursday and get back Saturday.  While I'm gone Matt will take Otis to the vet yet again.  As of yesterday the ulcer has not healed and the vet wants to do some scary surgery involving sewn shut eyelids.  Poor doggie. 

Everyone, have good nights.  I've got a nice bottle of wine and will be cooking something good.  Hopefully I'll be celebrating election results!